We all know those people….you know….that guy. The one that talks too loud on his cell phone, or cuts in front of you in line at the grocery store; that guy that irritates us to no end. Well for some comic relief how about a top ten list to help me vent a little.

• 1.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one…..Who lacks sheer confidence to walk down the street. You see them, the frail types, always looking from one side to the other without turning their heads, walks cautiously like they’re about to be jumped, shakes like a leaf when a homeless man approaches, a car backfires and he’s down on the ground…you know the type. OMG moment—who are they afraid of?

 

• 2.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who rides their bike in the street when there is a bike lane. Who do you think you are, really? I don’t see a motor on your bike and I don’t see you obey any traffic rules…so why are you in my way? Maybe it’s just me, but pedestrians need to get a license! Take a class; require 10 hours of training before sidewalk certification, that sort of thing. I understand they might be trying to save the environment but still….get out of my way!

 

• 3.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who can’t seem to throw away anything in the proper receptacle and decides to use the back of his pickup instead. Except what they don’t realize is the moment you get on the freeway their garbage is now our garbage. Hmmm on second thought I think they do realize what they’re doing but they’re just too lazy. Come on, how hard could it possibly be to order fast food and then hmmm put the container in the garbage? Or here’s a concept: buy a six pack of beer and recycle the cans! Buy a fricking cargo gate like this one and you won’t have to worry about that anymore right folks?

 

• 4.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who is just way too energetic, hyper and enthusiastic. What did you take today, because I surely need some! What in your life could be just so amazingly great that you have to talk three octaves too high, wave your hands when you talk (more so than the normal human being), and use WAY too many adjectives! Am I a Debbie Downer or is this something that most of you feel too? I’m an optimistic type of person and all, but geesh…..lay off the happy sauce folks!

 

• 5.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one…. Who can’t control his liquor, even in the most respectable places! He’s the one at the Christmas party who forces everyone to take jagger bomber shots, starts to talk too loud and becomes very emotional about how much he enjoys having you as his office mate. He stumbles around the party bumping into tables and spilling his drink while asking every woman if she is his wife, asking for his keys to drive home, and eventually he passes out in the men’s room by the urinals. You can’t take this guy anywhere!

 

• 6.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who doesn’t stop for directions, no matter where they are going. The ones that would rather slow down traffic to look at the street signs, stop his truck in the middle of the road to look at their map, or have their turning signals on ALL the time without action left or right. I have a suggestion for these folks…it’s called being prepared before you leave the house, Yahoo Maps people, it will get you anywhere you need be!

 

 

• 7.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who has “little man syndrome”, no matter what they do or where they go they always have an air of confidence that isn’t fitting of their physical stature. Their trucks are always loaded with high suspension kits and chrome truck accessories like no other! They can barely get out of their own vehicles, they feel the need to honk at EVERYONE, and when someone is going the speed limit (!) they pass them even if there isn’t a passing lane! They’ll cut you off whenever they want to and when you get mad and follow them don’t be surprised when they get out of the truck to find they are the stereotypical little man! All bark and no bite.

 

• 8.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who takes up too many parking spaces with ONE vehicle. Remember buddy there are people in this world other than you. This would also include those schmucks who like to park in front of the store in the fire lane because they’ll be back soon or those people who have a handicapped sticker for no reason. Seriously, how hard is it to park correctly and walk into the store twenty yards from the front entrance? America is one of the most obese countries in the world….Don’t be that guy!

 

• 9.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one…. Who laughs at his own jokes even though they are never FUNNY. That unfunny guy just irritates you whenever he starts his knock knocking or pull my finger antics. Didn’t anyone ever tell him how lame his jokes are? One liners are so ten years ago!

 

• 10.) Don’t be that guy; you know the one….Who doesn’t realize the extent of his smell before he leaves the house. You know him, over there sitting in his own B.O., smelling like a mix between onions and dog poo. His breath smells every morning, and you and your co-workers keep track of how many stains he has on his shirt today. He wonders why no one wants to go to lunch with him anymore or come into his office to socialize. You stink to the high heavens man, take a bath!